It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
