I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
