I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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