I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
