So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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