just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
