Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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