I'm really into asian looking animals
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
