worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize
