I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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