R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
