history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
