During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
