I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
