i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
