I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
we should paint friendship bongs
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