Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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