I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
