You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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