ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
