Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
