Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
