I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
