I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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