Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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