either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
