Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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