Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
