You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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