the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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