we're blogging at a bar
He is an equal opportunity slut.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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