I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
