I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
