Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
