The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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