Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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