well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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