If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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