I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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