based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
pray to the hookup gods
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
