He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
