you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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