can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
