I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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