Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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