PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize