half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's always time for handjobs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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