I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
