Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
