benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
