just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
