were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
