handjob tips. give me some.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
