if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
