you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
