As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
