uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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