And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
