Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
