If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
