btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
