hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
