oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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