I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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