Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
